Turbulence

***I wrote this post on March 13 and forgot to post! Sorry***

I love flying. The feeling of drifting over the land and sea, cruising through the air, getting to where I want to go quickly and painlessly – it’s great! From up here things look good. I can see cars driving along roads, people going about their business. Boats traveling through the waters and docking at various harbors. Cities and towns waking up and preparing to go about their day.

Basically, flying can give you a good perspective on the world. From up here everything looks fine.

Do you think we often go through life this way? We walk though life looking at things from afar. When we look at others we see the big picture. But we don’t always know what is really going on.

Below me now, though all looks good, there are commuters getting into car accidents. There are people wondering how they will pay their bills this month. There are dogs getting lost, children being abducted, and houses on fire. So many things are happening that we don’t even know about. It’s not such a happy picture.

From the other direction, the world is looking at this plane and thinks things are great. But. Do they know that the seatbelt light is never going to turn off? Do they know that while we are moving forward we are hitting turbulence. Turbulence. Rough patches that make us uneasy.

I’m currently experiencing turbulence in life. But most people wouldn’t suspect. My (generally) care-free and happy attitude has onlookers seeing me from the ground — flying smoothly through whatever comes my way. But honestly, things are tricky.

The biggest cloud I’m flying through right now is work. And it’s a dark storm cloud…
Truth: I love what I do.
Truth: I love most of the people I work with.
Truth: I work for one of the best companies, and that’s saying a lot considering I’ve worked for Wegmans for 8.5 years!
Truth:My boss has a management style all her own. No one likes it. No one gets it. No one feels like they are doing a good job. No one is very happy.

It’s hard to work in these circumstances. I try my best, and while I know I’m doing well and may not be getting yelled at and my work may not be being torn to shreds, I’m terrified of the day it will be. I’m honestly scared of my boss. I am sick when I go to work and know I have a meeting with her. Luckily she works from our North Carolina office so I only ever meet with her by phone. Except for now. I guess I didn’t mention that I’m writing this as I fly to Boston. Once in Boston, I’m off to Cambridge to the office there. I’ll meet all sorts of new people, and get to hang out with my boss in person for the day…

I’ve been looking, quietly and generally, at job postings. I don’t know if I can fly through this cloud much longer. It makes me sad. Since I do love it here, but I don’t think you should ever have to be afraid of your boss and its not just mentally exhausting but it drains everything from me. I’m beyond tired every night. I can’t stay awake on metro. I have no energy to do a thing wen I get home…visit Bill. Play with Heinz. Just sleep.

Time to switch planes? Buckle up. It’s gonna be a bumpy flight for now.

xo