On Monday I was supposed to have an appointment with my high-risk specialist. This is a doctor that was recommended to me by my OB and is supposed to monitor patients who are high-risk (a stillbirth automatically makes you high risk for any subsequent pregnancy) and hopefully make sure these pregnancies have positive outcomes.
My appointment was canceled. The office called me the day of the appointment and told me that the doctor was unable to see me and asked if we could reschedule.
Of course we can reschedule. Bill and I know that eventually we do want to have another baby. Joanna needs a baby brother or baby sister. At least one.
However, having my appointment canceled made me feel like I was not supposed to be having another baby. I’ve been waiting for this appointment for more than a month and it’s very hard to get in with this doctor. When they said it was canceled I thought they were going to also tell me that I couldn’t get in for at least another month.
That meant postponing making a plan for a healthy pregnancy. Not having a plan for healthy pregnancy makes me already anxious that the next one won’t go well. This canceled appointment turned my day upside down and immediately made me fear for the future.
Of course I was overreacting. Within the next five minutes we had found a time that works for both of us to reschedule the new appointment that was within a week of the original appointment. One week. No big deal.
I so badly want to hope that we will have at least one child living here on earth with us in the future. It’s crazy how quickly that hope can be pulled away. Pulled right out from underneath you.
But praise God for his grace that sweeps in and saves the day. He comes in to remind us that He is good, always. His grace wraps us in an embrace and says, “It’s going to be okay.” It says, “I got you a new appointment in only six days.” It reminds us that God’s timing is perfect.
Grace says no matter what your circumstances, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what is in your future, God’s got you.
Be reminded today: God is [still] gracious. Always.
3 thoughts on “Canceled Appointments and Dashed Hopes”
Perhaps Bill will be able to go to the new appointment with you…..I can’t know what you are feeling or how you are feeling but know I have fears as well, fears for not only a baby’s safety but for your safety tool. And not only your physical safety, but your emotional safety as well. I have to believe that God has us all covered.
While I haven’t gone exactly through exactly what you’ve gone through, I have had two losses and can relate to you so much in this post. Waiting to move on is brutal. It’s hard when there’s absolutely nothing you can do is wait and have faith. I really hope your appointment goes well and you get your plan and take home baby.
You took a moment of fear and uncertainty, and made it one of trust and perfect timing and grace. At once heartbreaking and beautiful. Thanks you ~