Dear Joanna (4.27.15)

Dear Joanna,

I am flying to California as I write this. Actually, I’m probably already over California right now.

The last time I came here I had you! You were a tiny little bean, just six weeks along. During the trip all I wanted to eat was guacamole. Plus, I started to get morning sickness, but only in the evenings.

Maybe the best part of my trip was that by the end of it, I was the “most pregnant” I had ever been. Coming home from California and being almost seven weeks was a relief. It was a milestone for us, since before you, we lost a baby right around the six-week mark. You were still with us. You were still growing.

Sometimes I wonder, when there is another baby…will we feel relief when we make it to 26 weeks? 25 weeks and 5 days was when we found out you had gone to heaven already. I think there won’t be any relief until your brother or sister is in our arms, crying, full of life!

If you had not left us, I would not be going to California today. But somehow this trip feels like the start of a new journey. One that will be scary but one that your dad and I are willing to make.  I’m glad you’ll be with us every step, in our hearts and minds.

Love you, baby girl!

Mom

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One thought on “Dear Joanna (4.27.15)

  1. Mom says:

    Honey, I learned today of a couple who lost their baby. They were expecting the baby any day and today the baby was born, still. When I think of all the pain and heart ache they now suffer, my prayer is that they have a strong support system and that they have a strong faith. I know those are the only things that keep me going. I pray for them, that they will seek out a support group and that they will constantly talk about their lost baby, all the dreams and plans they had and that they won’t give up living, no matter how hard it is to go on. All things I have learned from our journey with Joanna. Love you and really am looking forward to your next pregnancy journey.

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